How to Write a Letter to Your Future Selves (A Time Capsule for Couples)

There is a particular feeling in reading something your partner wrote to you a year ago, about a version of your life you have half forgotten. It is hard to get any other way, and it costs nothing but twenty minutes.

A couples time capsule is simply this: you each write something now, seal it, and agree on a date to open it together.

Why it works

• It captures the ordinary. Photos record the holidays. A letter records what a normal Tuesday felt like, which is the thing you actually forget.
• It says what you do not say out loud. Most people find it easier to write “I'm proud of you” than to say it across the kitchen.
• It gives you something to look forward to. A date in the future that belongs to the two of you.

When to write one

Any day will do, but some moments suit it well: an anniversary, New Year, the week you move in together, before a wedding, before a baby arrives, or at the start of a stretch apart. Hard seasons are worth recording too. A letter written in a difficult month is often the one that means most when you open it.

What to write: twelve prompts

Pick four or five. Write separately, and do not show each other.

1. What an ordinary day looks like for us right now.
2. Something you did recently that I have not thanked you for.
3. What I am worried about at the moment.
4. What I am most looking forward to.
5. A small thing about you I never want to forget.
6. The last time you made me laugh properly.
7. What I hope we are doing a year from now.
8. Something I am finding hard to say.
9. What I admire about how you are handling this year.
10. A promise I would like to keep.
11. The song, meal or programme that is “ours” right now.
12. What I hope you remember about this time.

If you want more starting points, borrow from 100 deep questions to ask your partner.

A few rules that help

• Be specific. “You are kind” fades. “You drove forty minutes to bring me my charger” does not.
• Do not write a list of complaints. Worries are fine. Grievances age badly.
• Keep it short. One page you finish beats four pages you abandon.
• Pick the date before you seal it. One year is a good first try. Five and ten years are wonderful once the habit exists.

Paper or digital?

Paper: two envelopes with the date written on the front, kept somewhere neither of you opens often. It is lovely to hold, and easy to lose in a house move.

Digital: harder to lose and impossible to peek at. In the BloomingPairs app, the Bond Vault lets you write a letter or a dream, seal it, and set the date it unlocks. Until then it stays closed for both of you.

Opening day

Make a small occasion of it. Read your partner's letter to yourself first, then talk about what has changed and what has not. Then write the next one. Couples who keep this going end up with a record of their relationship in their own words, a year at a time.

Frequently asked questions

How long should we wait before opening a time capsule letter?

One year is the best place to start. It is long enough for things to change and short enough that you will not forget it exists.

Should we read each other's letters before sealing them?

No. Not knowing what the other wrote is most of the pleasure on opening day.

Is a time capsule a good anniversary gift?

Yes, particularly for couples who do not want more things. It costs almost nothing and becomes more valuable every year.

Write the first one tonight

Twenty minutes, four prompts, one date. Seal it in BloomingPairs, free on iPhone and Android →